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we x e g e s i s |
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(noun) An explanation or critical interpretation.
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wWednesday, July 09, 2003 |
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The Downward Spiral
As I find my life becoming increasingly intertwined with the recording industry, I notice certain negative elements encroaching upon my being and sometimes I can't help but to think that it's making me a worse person than when I first started on this journey.
There is so much dishonesty, hedonism, hidden resentment and just all 'round cynicism in this place that sometimes I'm unsure of whether or not I can make it through another month, week, day, or even another second in here. It's an uphill battle every day and time-outs to rejuvenate myself are few and far in between.
It's not the actual work that wearies me. It's the strain of dealing with endless compromising situations that knock the wind out of me. Money and pride, as I've come to realize, is what makes so many people decide to act soley for their own interest and to not consider the consequences for other people. Management offers the people who are trying to climb up to the engineering position minimum wage. On top of that, the harshly demanding schedule and the nature of some of the tasks that entry-level employees have to perform make it hard for them to resist feelings of resentment for management--not that they're fighting against those feeling all that hard, if at all. Add a lug of seemingly unappreciative behaviour coming from the "upstairs" people and it's easy to see why so many employees are constantly looking for ways to "make up" for the money and respect that they know they deserve but aren't getting. As a result, management feel like they can only trust the staff to a certain degree and come down hard on them whenever they drop the ball.
From where I'm standing, I honestly think that both parties are responsible for the love-hate (I added the love part because there are times when one side will really come through for the other and the former will be filled with genuine gratitude and affection, not to mention that working together towards the same goal under strenuous circumstances will form a bond between any group of people) relationship and its repercussions. I hate the fact that I have to be dishonest because someone else was dishonest first and if I didn't play along, we would all get in trouble.
So to boil it all down: why do the powers that be offer its employees slave wages? Because they think that they can get away with it. And why do the employees try to steal what they feel is their proper due? Because they think that they can get away with it. I'm sorry to sound naive about the whole thing, but surely there has to be a better way to run and maintain a business than all this cheating and lying.
I'm tempted to quit before I become a bitter and disenchanted person, withdrawn into myself and relying on substance abuse and criticizing everyone and everything around me to feel better about my life. Please, dear God, help me get through this.
posted by
Angie at 12:05 AM
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